Merriam Webster’s Definition of guilt:
2b. Feelings of deserving blame especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy— self-reproach.
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We’ve all felt it, right? That gut gnawing feeling that comes from not making it to practice. The intention is there, but something comes up. We don’t make it. We don’t show up. And then it takes hold and maybe even causes us to avoid the shala the next day and the day after. We end up stumbling around dealing with emotions tied to something that is in the past rather than recognizing the feeling, letting it go, and moving forward.
It does serve a useful purpose - reminding us that this commitment is important. It’s the lingering negativity associated with the guilt that becomes a problem. This is especially relevant here because it’s important that we frame the discussion beyond the context of asana practice. The 8 limbs of yoga involve our whole life, not just the time on the mat.
In the Yoga Sutras Patanjali offers up 9 stumbling blocks to yoga that we all share. The fact that they apply to all of us is something we can take some comfort in, but the point is, they do happen and they can cause us to deviate from our practice.
The sutra is in the first pada, sutra 30 and it states: vyadhi styana samśaya pramada alasya avirati bhranti-darśana alabdha-bhumikatva anavasthitatva ćitta vikśepa te antarayah, which means:
Nine kinds of distractions come that are obstacles naturally encountered on the path, and are physical illness, tendency of the mind to not work efficiently, doubt or indecision, lack of attention to pursuing the means of samadhi, laziness in mind and body, failure to regulate the desire for worldly objects, incorrect assumptions or thinking, failing to attain stages of the practice, and instability in maintaining a level of practice once attained. — from swamij.com
The two terms that apply in the context of guilt are styana (mental laziness, inefficiency, idleness, procrastination, dullness) and samśaya (indecision, doubt). It’s a combination of mental laziness and doubt that trip us up and bring on the guilt. It’s a near daily experience that a student will look at me with a tormented look and apologize for not having been in or email me to express such feelings and my reaction is pretty much always the same — “no worries — let’s put that aside and get to work”.
It doesn’t serve you, me or the community to get caught up in what didn’t happen. What does serve us all is to simply recognize that these are shared tribulations of anyone that is putting forth an effort to commit to something that requires repeated dedication of personal energy. Furthermore, it’s a dedication without end. This is a path we’re putting ourselves on that leads unendingly right up to the moment of our death. And I know, some folks get uncomfortable when I bring up death, but I’m not going to stop because that’s the whole point! Our practice is a means of preparing for the most important moment of our lives — the END.
So, from hereon, when you miss an asana practice and experience the guilt, use it as a motivator to get you back to the mat and not as a shame factor that may keep you off; let that shit go; and ponder what you did that day — did the other 7 limbs play a role?